Sometimes I wonder…….’What have I actually achieved in life?’
Working for my masters degee, living in a strange place, all my experiences, my work and yet what have I contributed to the world? All these things I’ve ‘achieved’ have been just for me.
How do I actually contribute to the world. What will be my legacy? I hope to achieve something someday. And while that may seem too far off and totally impossible, everyone started out with nothing and yet the heights the great people have achieved in history is just amazing.
I will be 28 in a couple of months, not long to go before the big 30 milestone. When I was little 30 seemed so faraway and so old. Now that I am nearly there, I don’t feel old, mature and certainly not grown up. When I was little i thought people automatically turn grown up as soon as they hit an age milestone. Like at 25 you suddenly became an adult. But now I know that isn’t the case, circumstances and people’s nature turn them into adults.
When does a person truly become an adult? In my opinion the day you get married is when you become an adult with your own family life. But this I don’t know for sure because I have never been married, nor even in a live in relationship. Maybe this theory will just turn into my childhood age-adult co-relation theory, rubbish.
Anyway since I will be 30 in about two and a half years here’s a list of things I would like to do before then.
Learn a new language: I have been interested but never went through with it. But now that I live in the big city, classes of all sorts and all languages are available to me. Right now, though I dont have time to commit for 3 months but as soon as I get back from my China holiday, I will get enrolled. The onl problem right now is figuring out which language. I am currently leaning towards German and French. French seems more difficult than German with its masculine/feminine things. Watch this space for what I do and up doing and when.
Learn to Drive: I can drive but i need ideal conditions for it ie no other car or pedestrians for miles around otherwise I just get awfully nervous and forget everything. they say practice is the only way to overcome the nerves while driving, but I just cant practice in traffic. Anyway this I have to do. And get a driving license too.
Write a Novel: I have always loved writing, right from when i wrote an essay at 8 about how my toys came alive at night, I knew I had to do it. I always had journal of sorts where I would write. Right now I have no idea where they are. I just want to do this. No matter if it doesn’t get published. Right now I am thinking YA since I have been reading a lot of the genre recently.
Become a Diplomat: Well here in order to be a diplomat you need to pass a super tough exam, and lots of competition. People literally put their lives on hold. No tv, no friends, no family time, etc. And me since I have a job its not ideal but I have enough confidence in myself that if I really work hard and sit down to study, I can do it. So hopefully I will be able to clear these exams by the time i am 30.
Get in Shape: My whole life, I have never been in the best of shape. I would love to do yoga but I just cant be bothered. I feel the problem is me not owning a yoga mat, but the I have put a block in my head for some reason I don’t know. So, whether it is yoga or an early morning run, I do want to get into shape soon before I mushroom into a giant ball of fried foods and cheese.
Photography: I always thought that since I did not possess a DSLR camera, that was what was stopping me from indulging in photography but actually it was just my lazy self, since I went out and brought an entry level DSLR (the cheapest one I could find- Canon D1000) about 2 years ago, no I dont have a portfolio yet. I want to learn more about all the settings, the manual modes, AF, Focus and other greek alphabets to me, so hopefully I will have a portfolio soon and will no longer have to use my camera in Auto mode (how embarrassing, I know). NOTE: In fact I want to do this before China, so I can get some awesome photos of all the awesome places that Sean and me will be going to. Now that I have written this, I cant wait to go. Its going to be sooooooooo great.
Go to CHINA: This I am doing in July, so I am sooooo excited. Actually, my interest and excitement had waned a bit in the last month or so, but now its back with double its original vengeance. And I get to see Pandas, did I mention I love pandas.
Couch-surf: Well, I did host a couple from Israel last year. They were nice and sweet and not at all like the bad image Israeli travellers have in the community. They even gave us a potted orchid at the end of their stay, (Five stars) and came armed with cookies when they arrived. Well, I would like to couch-surf but have all sorts of concerns about safety, theft, psychos and many others. Who knows maybe I will couch-surf when i do get the chance and it feels right.
Travel alone: Who know what this may involve, will it be a deeply enriching experience or a lonesome one. Will I make many friends or will it be annoying? I have always wanted to do this but never had the courage.
Quit Smoking: I know it is bad for you but i feel unable to stop completely right now. even though I have reduced smoking a lot, I want to fully quit.
Wow, there’s ten things on this list. When I started writing, I didn’t think I would have so many things I wanted to do. I guess making a list helps. Visualisation is important and I hope to achieve all this. after all what is life without goals?
Things I have already done so cant be on this list:
Conquered my fear of heights: This I didn’t even know i had till I was on top of crane thing from where I was supposed to bungee jump off of. My heart just stopped beating and I couldn’t move leave alone jumping off. All your life you are told and trained to avoid cliffs and ledges and places from where you could potentially fall over from, but finally I did it, I think I was pushed but it doesn’t matter. it was just crazy. Oh and I did paragliding too. I was so scared to run off the cliff but my second time was just perfect. The take off was amazing.
Glastonbury 2008: I was there when Amy Winehouse hit some guy for trying to touch her beehive. It was amazing. I had plans to go again the next year but things came up including a break up but I am glad, been there done that, got the hoodie.
Rescued a puppy: I met Hachiko on the street late one night when I was returning from a friend’s house. Hachiko was taken home where my mum had a mini-fit on seeing the shivering puppy. She recovered fine later and we took Hachi to the doctor to get her de-wormed and vaccinated. He had some crazy worms but a beautiful soul. He would just stare into your eyes like it knew something, like we are connected somehow. Anyhow Hachiko did not live for very long but enough to have achieved a loving bond with all of us at home, we still miss him so much. Hachiko was buried near the monastery near our house.
Got a job: Being financially independent is amazing, so what you don’t have money to buy all that your heart desires but you know you can save up for it one day and there is no more grovelling in front of your parents (so embarrassing) and I can finally do what I like. This also means I am putting money aside every month for my retirement and opened all sorts of deposits in the bank.
I don’t know where I found this from, but yeah never give up on anything in life. Good things come early to some, late for others. Everyone will get their due. Have patience and keep your head up high. Jealousy … Continue reading →
Its been a while. I usually think a lot but when it comes to writing them down, my mind turns blank (empty set). A scientist should invent a machine that uploads your thoughts, if you want it to. What great philosophers we would make.
Quite a few things to look forward to.
First off Darjeeling with my friends. Haven’t been on a trip with them for so long, I bet it will be fun.
2. Found an American website that delivers to India. Now just a small matter of Money.
3. Bodhgaya in December for Kalachakra festival. Its going to be great I can feel it.
4. Morning walks, something nice to look forward to. Fresh air, a nice time to gather your thoughts, philosophise, and try to make sense of what’s happening in life.
I have been walking up to the monastery, and I didn’t think it but there are a lot of health conscious people in gangtok. Also they all seem to know each other, while me I seem to have misplaced my ipod. Oh dear. Was thinking of going back to the gym, but don’t think so anymore.
My new philosophy of life is ‘Jo bhi hoga dekha jayega’, there is no point dwelling of what ifs and what nots, whatever will be, will be
Since I brought my camera, I have been relegated to photographer status. I am not complaining and also i have a million pictures of people who I can later blackmail over. Alternate career, blackmailer…..forward thinking (CV).
The more birthdays I go to, I can practice my drinking and as a result, I can take care of people who haven’t got much practice, so pleasing personality and alert in any situation, no person left behind attitude.
Being photographer also makes me avoid giving people presents, so thrifty nature.
In the end i burn a CD or copy to my hard drive all the pictures after editing them, so extremely proficient in various computing tools.
I count on other budding photographers and enthusiasts to take the camera and click away, so no guts, only glory. Born Leader
People say ‘be the bigger person’ or that this is god’s way of testing you….. But what if god doesn’t exist then I’d just have spent my whole life bending over backwards over nothing. You try and you try but its never enough, you smile when you are hurting inside and assure others you’re fine, and then you fool yourself into thinking you are happy, you pick yourself up, dust off the dirt from your back but what does life do? It mocks us…. Nobody is ever given enough, and no body is ever satisfied. This must be one of the lower realms of hell, it couldn’t be anything more.
You work and work, you get a heart attack, you don’t work, you become fat, lazy and despicable, not to mention poor. You have a good work balance, but your personal life is a mess, you have many things going on for you on the surface but inside you are terribly unhappy. There are levels you can never attain, you learn about the great masters, philosophers and artists but then it also makes you realise you can never match up. So you make bad life decisions and friends badly deluded that that is what life needs, but the moment you actually need them, is the moment you lose them. There are temptations, there is no enough, the pursuits never end…. Ageing, Obesity, Wealth, Romance, you want to overcome it all but you are only shown the cake, you never get to eat it….
They try to sell you a perfect lie with shampoos and fabric conditioners convincing you that they are what is missing from making your life perfect, and we all fall for them. It’s the same with a car, an iphone, everything….. You study, you play your part, you go through the steps of life as you are told, you are taught about the real world in school and college and how to prepare for it….you do it all but these steps contradict themselves. You are taught to be nice, be polite to your elders, civic sense etc along with the occasional chanting of ‘OM’ but in the corporate world you are expected to be ruthless, be a slave to your boss and that in order to get ahead you must trample on the weak, the survival of the fittest. This is glorified but if school was preparing you or this then they should have been straight forward, taught us how to bend the rules a little.
Life is just bollocks so what the hell are you supposed to do, my best bet is grow your own fruit and veggies and live in peace on a secluded corner of the world, away from people, technology and machines….but again you can’t be even that, ‘Man is a social animal’
And to top it all off you always have that fear of dying or losing a special someone!!!
In the end the only wisdom i leave you with is that ‘If life gives you lemons, then open a stall and sell them at an exorbitant price to all the suckers doing their 1-2-3 of life.
I have been on holiday for the past week, my 25th birthday zoomed past me without giving me a chance to say hi and have a little chat about life. The truth is that for the last month i have been super human busy which falls on the other end of the spectrum that has been my life for the past two and a half years, but I am not complaining.
I have always been one of the unfailing optimists seeing goodness even in the deepest dark shit that this world has thrown at me with full force. But now I have realised the days of sleeping in all day and playing video games must be put behind me. Its not fully about earning money and respect as an individual but also to be uplifted in the world of spirituality, to pursue knowledge which we must venture out to find, it doesn’t come to you. Also to engage in meaningful debates about the world and where we are heading among other interesting topics, to broaden the human soul and mind and achieve what only few before have. Enlightenment.
Life is all about pursuit, the pursuit of happiness, love, health, fame, fortune, friendship, respect. The journey of life is never ending, tiresome in fact. You cant have the things you want, you learn to compromise. We learn good lessons from hard times, from mistakes, and yet you never learn. Most people go through he same experiences, hardship, sadness, loss so should we just stop learning to avoid the feeling of pain and hurt? When we are young our parents try to control the amount we subject ourselves to the big bad world, but that is what we don’t want. We rebel. Now as I get older and experience some of this shit in the world, I know I will get protective of my loved ones and try to control so that they don’t get hurt, and thus the cycle continues. As children we look at the world with rosy-tint frames. But again what is the right approach? In a world where so much importance is placed upon reputation, status, wealth everyone is getting judged constantly. There is pressure from all sides, friends, family, unknown strangers. How do we behave in this manner. The fact that you say you don’t care, means you do. Again the most important thing is to be aware spiritually and not go out of your way to hurt people in any way. After all you wouldn’t like it if it happened to you. Negativity hangs in the air like a dust cloud, so stay positive, have happy thoughts and think you can do it, coz you feel what you believe! x