Suicide? You decide

Funny story: I share my flat with a couple of mice, cute small things, and my petrified sister went and brought some ratkill. I didn’t have the heart to use it so I just left it lying around in the living room. Last night I found a dead rat in the kitchen.Ihad my suspicions so when I went to check the ratkill packet, sure enough it was gnawed through. The poor rat had, in its greed of chewing and munching through everything had gone and killed itself.

And yes, Mortein Ratkill actually works.

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Insert moral of the story below (in comments)

Oh Facebook!

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I had deleted my account and was good for about a week, no cheating. But then I finally succumbed on the seventh day. I had to take a peek at what my friends were upto, did they notice i was gone? Did they miss me. But after logging back on and seeing no ‘campaign’ to bring me back to facebook kept my social arrogance in check. Even my own flesh and blood sister did not notice I was gone.

Oh facebook

It is such a love-hate thing for me right now.  It hardly helps  when I log on when lonely and sad and I see hundreds of pictures of happy smiling people in exotic locales. It does not make my loneliness vanish, it brings out another emotion.  Jealousy, wild raging jealousy. Oh how I envy my friends doing fun things in awesome places especially in my already weakened state.

The second point is these facebook games like zynga and others which are so addictive and hook you in the 2 seconds you start off and you level up like 5 times, and then the begging starts, items to get from friends, time waiting for piddly energy recharge and turns, you have to wait a day for more turns. All this can be happily waved off, if you pay of course, which is still endless.

Oh and did I mention you are also supposed to flood your own wall with posts and requests spamming your own wall. It just gets so cluttered. therefore I feel facebook has just become too much noise.

I would never pay for a facebook game but all these tactics are hurting the game companies and facebook in general, because there will come a day when the player despite multiple accounts and adding random people to help in the game, will just give up and find it not worth it to spend so many hours fruitlessly. There’s always a new level, you hardly up a level anymore, and the challenges just begin to feel like chores. And then the player feels trapped. So one day they just stop. Like farmville, I tolerated it for way longer than any others. I am glad to report that I am so done .

I have an app suggestion, don’t know if it is already out there but i highly doubt it. You allow this app access and it tracks hours spent on games, and aggregartes them in days or months. Like if you have spent 24 hours on a game, it will tell you “You have spend a total of 1 day playing *insert any of the addictive genre games here* that you will never get back. Go out and play.”

And all the other social networking sites just follow suit with facebook’s strategy because it is the market leader innit.

So the question begs asking where do I go now?

 

Of Milestones and Men

I will be 28 in a couple of months, not long to go before the big 30 milestone. When I was little 30 seemed so faraway and so old. Now that I am nearly there, I don’t feel old, mature and certainly not grown up. When I was little i thought people automatically turn grown up as soon as they hit an age milestone. Like at 25 you suddenly became an adult. But now I know that isn’t the case, circumstances and people’s nature turn them into adults. 

When does a person truly become an adult? In my opinion the day you get married is when you become an adult with your own family life. But this I don’t know for sure because I have never been married, nor even in a live in relationship. Maybe this theory will just turn into my childhood age-adult co-relation theory, rubbish.

Anyway since I will be 30 in about two and a half years here’s a list of things I would like to do before then.

  1. Learn a new language: I have been interested but never went through with it. But now that I live in the big city, classes of all sorts and all languages are available to me. Right now, though I dont have time to commit for 3 months but as soon as I get back from my China holiday, I will get enrolled. The onl problem right now is figuring out which language. I am currently leaning towards German and French. French seems more difficult than German with its masculine/feminine things. Watch this space for what I do and up doing and when.
  2. Learn to Drive: I can drive but i need ideal conditions for it ie no other car or pedestrians for miles around otherwise I just get awfully nervous and forget everything. they say practice is the only way to overcome the nerves while driving, but I just cant practice in traffic. Anyway this I have to do. And get a driving license too.
  3. Write a Novel: I have always loved writing, right from when i wrote an essay at 8 about how my toys came alive at night, I knew I had to do it. I always had journal of sorts where I would write. Right now I have no idea where they are. I just want to do this. No matter if it doesn’t get published. Right now I am thinking YA since I have been reading a lot of the genre recently.
  4. Become a Diplomat: Well here in order to be a diplomat you need to pass a super tough exam, and lots of competition. People literally put their lives on hold. No tv, no friends, no family time, etc. And me since I have a job its not ideal but I have enough confidence in myself that if I really work hard and sit down to study, I can do it. So hopefully I will be able to clear these exams by the time i am 30.
  5. Get in Shape: My whole life, I have never been in the best of shape. I would love to do yoga but I just cant be bothered. I feel the problem is me not owning a yoga mat, but the I have put a block in my head for some reason I don’t know. So, whether it is yoga or an early morning run, I do want to get into shape soon before I mushroom into a giant ball of fried foods and cheese.
  6. Photography: I always thought that since I did not possess a DSLR camera, that was what was stopping me from indulging in photography but actually it was just my lazy self, since I went out and brought an entry level  DSLR (the cheapest one I could find- Canon D1000) about 2 years ago, no I dont have a portfolio yet. I want to learn more about all the settings, the manual modes, AF, Focus and other greek alphabets to me, so hopefully I will have a portfolio soon and will no longer have to use my camera in Auto mode (how embarrassing, I know).                                                                NOTE: In fact I want to do this before China, so I can get some awesome photos of all the awesome places that Sean and me will be going to. Now that I have written this, I cant wait to go. Its going to be sooooooooo great.
  7. Go to CHINA: This I am doing in July, so I am sooooo excited. Actually, my interest and excitement had waned a bit in the last month or so, but now its back with double its original vengeance. And I get to see Pandas, did I mention I love pandas.
  8. Couch-surf: Well, I did host a couple from Israel last year. They were nice and sweet and not at all like the bad image Israeli travellers have in the community. They even gave us a potted orchid at the end of their stay, (Five stars) and came armed with cookies when they arrived. Well, I would like to couch-surf but have all sorts of concerns about safety, theft, psychos and many others. Who knows maybe I will couch-surf when i do get the chance and it feels right.
  9. Travel alone: Who know what this may involve, will it be a deeply enriching experience or a lonesome one. Will I make many friends or will it be annoying? I have always wanted to do this but never had the courage.
  10. Quit Smoking: I know it is bad for you but i feel unable to stop completely right now. even though I have reduced smoking a lot, I want to fully quit. 

Wow, there’s ten things on this list. When I started writing, I didn’t think I would have so many things I wanted to do. I guess making a list helps. Visualisation is important and I hope to achieve all this. after all what is life without goals?

 

Things I have already done so cant be on this list:

  1. Conquered my fear of heights: This I didn’t even know i had till I was on top of crane thing from where I was supposed to bungee jump off of. My heart just stopped beating and I couldn’t move leave alone jumping off. All your life you are told and trained to avoid cliffs and ledges and places from where you could potentially fall over from, but finally I did it, I think I was pushed but it doesn’t matter. it was just crazy. Oh and I did paragliding too. I was so scared to run off the cliff but my second time was just perfect. The take off was amazing.
  2. Glastonbury 2008: I was there when Amy Winehouse hit some guy for trying to touch her beehive. It was amazing. I had plans to go again the next year but things came up including a break up but I am glad, been there done that, got the hoodie.
  3. Rescued a puppy: I met Hachiko on the street late one night when I was returning from a friend’s house. Hachiko was taken home where my mum had a mini-fit on seeing the shivering puppy. She recovered fine later and we took Hachi to the doctor to get her de-wormed and vaccinated. He had some crazy worms but a beautiful soul. He would just stare into your eyes like it knew something, like we are connected somehow. Anyhow Hachiko did not live for very long but enough to have achieved a loving bond with all of us at home, we still miss him so much. Hachiko was buried near the monastery near our house.
  4. Got a job: Being financially independent is amazing, so what you don’t have money to buy all that your heart desires but you know you can save up for it one day and there is no more grovelling in front of your parents (so embarrassing) and I can finally do what I like. This also means I am putting money aside every month for my retirement and opened all sorts of deposits in the bank.

Ad Meliora

Canine Love

This year has been good to me so far apart from the death of my dogs. I cried like hell and still miss them a lot. We did all that we could for our dogs but i just don’t know what is wrong. There are freaking dogs on the streets with worms, diseases, and all sort of problems unimaginable and on the other hand we have our dogs, who we love a lot. Not just me but everyone in the house.

They brought so much life in the house and love. They understand, they really do. They just cant speak and they emote so well. Getting a dog helps new couples, old folks and especially lonely people, though I would NOT recommend leaving them alone for periods of time. They are definitely man’s best friend along with pandas of course. Pandas are amazing.

The joy of a dog’s love only an owner knows.

Forever lonely

I am sick and tried of being lonely. I want to share my life with someone who will be with me even if it is just once a week. Right now I am just not happy with my super long distance relationship status. And especially when I see other couples together, I just dont know what I am doing. And then we dont communicate much, a message here an email there.He doesn’t like it. But what about me?

I love him, I do but sometimes it just gets too much. My relationship status is so vague that when people ask about it, I just say I am single, because I dont want to tell a long winded story of how I have come to be in this situation. And then people think I am crazy or a lesbian. It just gets lonely, I too want someone to talk to and hang out with.

And now I am in this situation where I am stuck. My committed status stops me from meeting other potentials (I’d hate to cheat on him) while I do not have any of the perks of being in a relationship.

We both love each other but there is no way of making it work. Since we both live in different countries and since we cant see a solution, we dont talk about it. We go on holidays but in real life there is no solution, since we both work in jobs we enjoy in our respective countries.

I guess eventually one of us will have to move that is if we continue but I dont want the pressure of all that falling on our relationship. Also, that person is probably going to be me 😦

I just dont know whether to continue or not. Life just gets tough at times.

Starting Out

Starting a new blog is always an unwanted task. How do you start? Should you do a post about yourself, your reasons for starting a blog? Or just dive into the deep end, swimming googles and all. Does anyone even bother about these kinds of things anymore? I try and read a few blogs to find this out. While some are so vast that it is pretty impossible to find the ‘starting out’ pages, some do have a page and it all seems proper. Why does everything other people do seem proper and everything I do seems so amateur? This is my belief in life. So many people behave in a certain way, but when I do it, I find it very painful as if I am under some giant invisible spotlight. Do all people think this same way? Because most people come across as they know what they are doing that is till you get to know them. Then you find they are going through the same kind of internal strife you are going through and that their quiet confidence is just a facade waiting to crumble at the slightest chance of being found out. Questioning your internal strife all the time, second guessing your baby steps, afraid to leap into the unknown because you will look like a fool, rather than a legitimate reason? Things that make sense cease to do so and then you continue your normal life and regular activities as if that is the whole world when in truth the world is a huge place, millions of people, languages, cultures, you are even smaller than a speck of sand in the grand scheme of things, but when you turn into glass, turn into a beautiful piece of glass, a flower vase even.

Digression.

College Student Essay

Origin Unknown

 College Student Essay on the following question

Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.